


Dance

by Askeebe



Series: Never Let Me Go [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fatherhood is hard, Gen, Kids are difficult
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 15:24:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4527270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Askeebe/pseuds/Askeebe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The distance between contract killer and father can be immense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dance

I should have stayed another day in Traja instead of hurrying home, but tomorrow is Irikah's birthday, and I have already been gone far too long. I had hoped to be home two weeks ago, but this contract was...difficult.

Fortunately, I don't have a bag to put in the overhead compartment. The gunshot in my midsection is taking a long time to heal, regardless of medigel application. The padded wide seats of first class are a welcome comfort after three months of chasing my target through some very unpleasant locales.

In spite of the fact that I no longer serve the Compact, the hanar still come to me for certain jobs. Usually the more complex ones, or ones where they want to have no involvement. The benefit is that my fee is correspondingly high, allowing me to treat Irikah and Kolyat as they deserve.

This shuttle trip is the last stage of my transition from contract killer to husband and father. My apartment in Traja is the first step. It's my sanctuary, my home away from home, quite literally, but not my only one. I have safe houses all over the galaxy, with alternate identities, weapon caches, and even separate credit accounts. I've taken great pains to disconnect my home life from my work life, but the memories refuse to be left behind, and today they are particularly insistent.

Resolutely, I fall into a meditative state that is as close to sleeping as I dare allow in public places. It's not enough. I'm still tired and hurt when we land, but thoughts of Irikah lend energy to my footsteps.

"Daddy!" Kolyat runs down the hallway as fast as his little legs can carry him. He launches himself through the air, confident that I will catch him. I do, even though it causes the wound in my side to tear and pull painfully, but it is as nothing next to the adoring smile on his face. He has grown so much in the past three months.

His words come pouring out of him faster than ever before. "Daddy, guess what? We went to the beach and I got to swim and I petted a sissrack and I found some seashells! Will you take me to the beach, Daddy? I really want to show you how to swim and I want some more seashells. Daddy, come with me! I want to show you my seashells!"

"Where is your mother, Kolyat?" I ask, but the child is so excited he can't stop talking long enough to listen. These first moments returning home are the hardest. I have been alone so long with just my thoughts, pitted against my target. To leave that behind and become immersed in the world of a five year old child is at times a chasm that takes many long and difficult minutes to navigate. I let him chatter while I walk to the back.

He tugs hard at my hand. "This way, Daddy. My seashells are over here."

"Enough, Kolyat! I must find your mother." Immediately I regret my words and harsh tone as he crumbles under my disapproval. And yet, this is nothing compared to the discipline I received in the Guild, even from my earliest days.

"Are you mad at me, Daddy?" he asks with a trembling lip.

I should have stayed another day on Traja. Going down on one knee, I sweep him into a hug, crooning reassurances deep in my chest. "No, Kolyat. I am simply tired, and I miss your mother."

"And me?" he asked. His inner eyelids nictitate rapidly under emotional stress.

"And you," I affirm. I stand up with him in my arms and go in search of Irikah. I find her in the study, reading a book and listening to music.

She jumps up and hugs me much as Kolyat did, and even though she is stronger and it hurts more, I ignore it in favor of holding them both close to me. She is my light, my rock, my anchor in this life that is still in some ways so new and strange to me. "Thane!" she says with a catch in her voice. "Why didn't you call and let me know you were coming home?"

"I caught an early shuttle. There was no time to call."

She kisses me deeply, her fingers winding around my neck, and I am forgiven for this minor transgression.

Time passes in a haze and Irikah is preparing dinner in the kitchen. I stand behind her, hands around her midsection, renewing my memories of her scent, the feel of her skin, the gentle curves of her body. I never want to let her go, but she laughingly slaps my hands free so she can move about the kitchen.

"Daddy, please play with me," Kolyat pleads.

"Go," she tells me. "He misses you terribly."

He shows me his seashells for the fifth time. I admit to myself that I'll be glad when his memories settle and we don't have to do things over and over. There are days I think fatherhood is a mistake. I never found it hard to be patient in the Guild when I was learning or when I was stalking prey. But his never-ending innocent demands exhaust me more than I had ever thought possible.

Now he's settled into my lap and holding each shell up, telling me where he found it and what he was doing. I can see the evidence of memories taking hold. One shell is a striking blue with white streaks. It reminds me of my quarry, a wily asari maiden, tricky as a matriarch yet fast and strong.  _"She eludes me yet again. I spent two days preparing that trap. It should have worked. Was I betrayed? Who knew I was coming?"_

"Who, Daddy? Where were you going?" Kolyat twists around in my lap and pats my arm. "Where did you go this time?"

I jerk upright, realizing I had nearly drifted to sleep with Kolyat's warm weight on my lap. It had lulled me into complacency. I am home, a place of safety, and yet I can never truly relax, lest I say something I shouldn't. I look around guiltily to see if Irikah heard. She is most insistent that Kolyat never know what I am doing. "Business, Kolyat. Very boring. See, it nearly made me fall asleep just thinking about it." Reassured, he turns back to his seashells.

"Here, Daddy, look at this one. See how it twists? And there's a hole right down the center."

" _A hole between her eyes. She twists and spins. We danced, she and I, a dance to the death, and finally the dance is ended."_

"Did someone die, Daddy?" He's looking up at me, eyes wide open. I groan to myself. How could I let that slip out? I should have stayed another day on Traja to rest. Does he even understand the concept of death yet? How do I explain death to a five year old?

I take the coward's way out. I lie. "No, Kolyat. It was just a saying. It was a crazy dance and now it's over."

"Ooooh, show me, Daddy. Show me!" He jumps up and tugs my hand, demanding over and over that I show him the crazy dance.

He spins in place and wiggles, doing whatever moves come to mind that would define a crazy dance. He giggles and grabs my hand. "Dance, Daddy, dance!"

I lift him in the air and spin him around. He laughs and screams in delight. Hearing it, I can't help but smile myself. The sound is so innocent and happy that it pushes all thoughts of the asari out of my mind. I hear footsteps and see Irikah come in, drawn by the laughter. She's laughing too as I toss Kolyat up in the air, ignoring the pain in my side. He grabs her hand, and the three of us spin around.

I look at the laughing eyes of my wife, listen to the joyous sounds from my son. This is my family, the one I am so blessed to have. I'm glad I came home instead of spending another day on Traja.


End file.
